it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
