And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
