There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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