and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
that may or may not have been my penis.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
