I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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