I cockslap morals
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
the day after is always just damage control
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
