Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
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I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
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I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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