Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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