i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
even my farts smell like vagina
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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