What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
