i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
