i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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