yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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