My nipple is on Facebook.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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