If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
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Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You ate ashes out of my bong