Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She even gives head with a lisp.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize