is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I take back everything I said about communal showers
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.