i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day