The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
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She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
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Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.