but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
