she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
