the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
