I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
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Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
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I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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