I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
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You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize