ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
