Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
