he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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