There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
