So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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