the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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