Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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