so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
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There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
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He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize