You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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