I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
