she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
