Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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