At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
When did angry sex become our thing?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
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