i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
