Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
This is my gift to your gina
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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