Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
