it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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