Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
