the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
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He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
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And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize