It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
