I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
