You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
