I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
