we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
They have beer where we have blood.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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