I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
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I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
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I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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