I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
