If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
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His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
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The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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