If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.