you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
only you would photoshop your dick
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize