There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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