You work out of a Hotel?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She bit a glass in half.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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