She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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