you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
