similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Less talking, more tequila
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
