we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
