Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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