I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Life is so much better after having sex.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
