I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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