You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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