Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
