I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
